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a few rules to fighting fair

Both sides get the chance to talk. No interruptions.

Lay down the defenses so you can hear what the other one is saying.

Don’t over-react. Don’t over exaggerate the issue. Just stick to the facts.

Vague complaints are confusing. Be specific about what has upset you.

Attack the problem not the person.

Avoid heated discussions the minute you walk through the door. The first 5 minutes sets the

tone for the whole rest of the evening. Agree to a time before bed that you can talk.

Never resort to violence!

No insults or accusations. Keep your voice low and calm. No shouting. Really really listen to what you sound like when you are arguing. You might shock yourself!

Avoid clamming up. If you know you cannot respond without blowing up then take a reprieve and come back to it in a couple hours.

Never argue in front of kids. They will be forced to take sides. They will sense all the tension and become stressed themselves….And.… you are teaching them how to argue!

“Anger is the fruit of rotten roots. One of the primary roots of anger stems from the family. Angry people come from angry families because they learn from their role models and carry on the same behavior in their own lives, eventually passing it on to their children. ” ~Joyce Meyer

It’s not important to “win” an argument, but to come to a mutual agreement.

Admit your own contribution to the problem. If you are constantly trying to pound home a point, you may be the problem for most unresolved conflict. When you accept some responsibility for the problem, your partner perceives a willingness to cooperate and will probably be much more open to the discussion.

Give up on always having to have the last word.

No one is perfect and no one is right 100% of the time.

Say I’m sorry -and mean it.

The best advice on how to settle a disagreement is to simply think like Christ. Would He yell? Would he be violent? Would He attack your character? Would He call names? Would He point a finger in your face? Would he slam a door? Would He insult?

No! He wouldn’t. 

Anything can become a problem if we let it. Trick is…don’t let everything become an issue!

We need to learn to act in love, speak with love and replace love with anger. It’s the Christ-like thing to do.

If our marriages need anything they need God. They need a fresh gentle rain shower of Love!

Love will conquer many things in our homes and in our marriages. Love speaks kind things. It is not jealous. It is not rude or selfish. Love is not demanding. Love does not get even. Love never gives up on people. It does not get angry over petty issues. Love does not keep score. Love trusts God and refuses to quit. (I Cor 13)

Proverbs 15:1  (NKJV)

A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 10:19 (AMP)

When there are many words, transgression and offense are unavoidable, But he who controls his lips and keeps thoughtful silence is wise.

Proverbs 25:15 (ERV)

With patience, you can make anyone change their thinking, even a ruler. Gentle speech is very powerful.

Psalms 37:8

Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not yourself in any wise to do evil.

Ephesians 4:26

Be you angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath:

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